O.K. you dumb asses (including to those who do reviews and/or overly use phases such as "back in the day" you know who you are), get your grammar & spell checkers ready so you can point out errors for brownie points. The winner will receive a Sears sewing machine & free pass to the pen to get violently group raped and plooked in the ass while watching men take showers. ED.

1.Where the hell have you guys been in the past 9 years?? Do you just get fed up with the whole underground and all these lame death metal retards selling out that you just said fuck everything?? What have all you been up to this past decade?

Grammar??? Fuck grammar!! I don't give of rats ass about correct spelling for anyone!! This isn't an english class!! Those losers in school don't care to learn anyway, they like to shoot, kill, cripple, and maim each other. And don't fucking, worry about it bitch! I swear, you interview people are always asking fuckin questions! (OOOOUUU! Such vile language, for a 3rd grade education.) We are still going to Coligge - see what University's do for yer spelling. As far as the "glamorous" death metal scene goes, every one in Splatterreah knew that we were in for commercialization after Morbid Wanker signed to Earaches faggot ass label. Now a kid (on his way to paint graffiti) can run down to the corner store to steal condoms and buy a six pack of drinks, some eggs & a Napalm Death T-shirt. Coool!!! Tell me one thing though, is Marilyn Manson considered Black Metal now because he paints his face? Or is he not brutal enough because he has a huge fan base? AAYYYYEEE!! Robert of DEATH!!! (With hands resembling talons pointed in the sky very fiendishly & crackling like an apprentice of Satan!)

If we had been up your asshole, you probly would have known! We all have our own glamorous lifestyles of the poor and the depraved, but we never really broke up!-STUPID!! We've just had to put everything on the back burner for a while. I have just returned from another trip of rampage on the railroad-(as it gets very uncomfortable sleeping on them damm rail cars-full of blood & guts). The whole death metal faggot ass wannabes were never an issue as far as SPLAT goes. We have always done our own thing, working at our own pace and always will. We're probly one of the oldest shit/crap/noise bands in existence. Going on about more than 17 yrs of trying to be different than everybody else in this wimp infested redneck quaker city which has been easy. NO BULLSHIT!!

2. It seems like in the early 90's the big noise core bands were the Meat Shits, Anal Cunt, and Splatterreah. While all the other bands had tons of releases out and exposure, nobody ever heard anything from you guys. What was the last thing that was released? What did you think of Anal Cunt signing to Earache?

I don't think you get it, do you? If I wanted exposure I'll pull my dick out in front of you and slap the shit out of you, bitch. We released 2 out of some of our older damm demos that were Fast and heavy as shit. I'm not saying that we were the heaviest, but I know damm well that it scared all of those faggots in Napalm Death when they heard it. I remember talking to Mickey on the phone and he kept going off about "how heavy we were", and how he "Liked our bass guitar sound". We aren't really out for notoriety or exposure, just to scare the fuck out of everyone with "HEAVIER THAN ROY" FUCKING METAL!!! Yaaaaaahhh!!

(-King Diamond like shriek!!!-)

Well, we don't really agree with the Splatterreah part of it.

The reason you didn't hear from us was because you were too busy tip toeing through the tulips while mall shopping for autographed picture disc Milli Vanilli CD's at the music store guest appearances, listening to rap and break dancing (spinning on your head) in your tree house while watching MTV or something. We were as underground as coffins and as your mommas turds bloated on Little Debbie Snack Cakes laying around at the bottom of the septic tank growing bacteria. Alot of people heard us, we just scared the shit out of everyone including EARFLAKE RECORDS. As for the AC thing, I plead the 5th.....

We have been held captive all this time at gun point working the forced labor camp sweat houses for extremely low wages in a far away foreign country, and having to sleep on dirt and great great grandmothers urine soaked mite infested nursing home blanket. Who do think has been making all those world news headlines by exposing & playing with themselves in public. Come here little girl......... I got a lollipop for you, lets find out how many licks it takes to get to the core heh heh.....

Lets stop the bullshit when it comes to limited edition: green, clear, vomit/diarreah textured, official finger print included, red flexi (available at your nearest Mc Donalds drive thru), used condoms, reissues that come with "so called" free 7 inch, split, picture disc of the band including pubic hairs, extra tracks, colored vinyl (collect all five different colors to profit some greedy bastard), promo, test pressing, way overly priced stupid ebay auctioned, autographed crap that seems to be so trendy after you've already bought the original!!!! Just put the damm thing out one time already and keep it in circulation you dumb fucks. And make it affordable!! It sucks that the good stuff gets discontinued or re-released with weak ass covers for example: the first two original CARCASS albums. And what's more annoying is that in other countries if they don't get the releases first, they seem to get the better more brutal looking covers, shirts, or extra tracks blah blah blah blah... I'm sure the kiddies out there can relate to how we here in the U.$. usually get the gay ass looking covers to releases or we don't get all that extra crap (whether it's regulated or not or if you just have a scared quaker type of ma & pa kettle amish music store in your neighborhood too). Instead we get a big shaft in the ass (ooouuuu yaaaah baby, harder, fasterrrr, more, cummm with meeeeeeee!!!) and shell out more money not to mention the shipping charges to buy the other imported bullshit version, allowing some douchbag to profit. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!!! PURE CRAP!!!!! In Europe they even get faster factory versions of cars & motorcycles than we do. Just for that all the U.$. bands should only send 8 track tapes of their releases to the other counties so that the shit is useless to them. hee hee.... We should be getting the same shit they get to begin with (throwing mayhemic temper tantrum & sounds of fucking shit up, impersonating buewfert from the walking tall movie by whipping ass with a two by four, but with nails, spikes and razors sticking out this time) DAMM IT!!!! #!@#&!5!!! We had a live 7" release in 1990 to which there was only 1000 made and the really rare ones were on shit colored wax (ohh wow!), but making it limited edition was not our doing, Eric of Premature Entombment Records put it out, so if you want to complain or thank him for not making more copies of the useless junk, his last known address was (P.O. Box 2443 Loveland, CO 80539 U$A) & (I think his phone # is 1-303-962-9443). Yeah, after pressing 1000 copies, he came to his senses and asked himself "what the fuck am I doing?" and forced his people to "stop the presses". Wise choice. We're not into limited edition crap anyway and since CD players & frisbees are more popular here instead of record players, we might release the live 7" on CD later on as well & making it an unlimited edition for those who need table coasters, toilet targets, clay targets, or ice scrapers. This joke of a project is just a hobby. It's not the priority of our lives. There's no need to put out 20 releases per every 6 months. You think we're kidding, but anyone buying our worthless weak ass crap is wasting their time. Their better off getting a life. Nobody ever heard anything from us for awhile, because we've been busy delivering acts of misanthropic charity, vigilantism & brutality, eluding the authorities and attempting to break enemies of society out of jail. Lifes more important responsibilities have put the project on hold & has made the times financially tough for us. For one thing, our families and our elephant come first to us, so fuck all yall Spice Girl t-shirt wearing wannabe band wagoners!! One of the guys has had to pick up the load after losing his father, so suck shit you inconsiderate selfish Jerry Springer has beens!!! Zombie Ray had sense enough to distance himself from the rest us losers back in 89 and went into misanthropic seclusion, causing us to become a 3 piece which remains to this day. One bastard had to go put an ass whipping on Sadam during the Gulf war, afterwards going on to play some Pro Football, and to dish out much anger and rage on a more personal level is currently delivering neck breaking cloths linings, dislocations, & ass whippings of brutal non stop groin stomping gut wrenching mayhemic violent hatred for all the earth bodily dismemberment as an Offensive Lineman for the Houston Gunslinger Football organization. He's been spotted hoarding food down his pants and eating it during football practice & has been having to do alot of traveling in and out of the country in order to put food on the table. College has also gotten in our way, as well as other things in life that are more important than the utterly non-talented total crap shit speed that we SUCK at to which anyone would be embarrassed or scared to admit having in their collections anyway... Because it sucks shit!!! Fuck you critics, no ones trying to please your wal-mart buying top 40 pretty in pink Ricky Martin Sonny & Cher tiger striped candy asses. We know it sucks! It's supposed to suck!! It's meant to be boring non talented simple 3 chord progressions that sound like the same old tune over and over again. That's the Ideal, you ass kissing dick suckers!!! Splatterreah material is intentional crap. And the name is spelled with two r's, not one, or it also could be spelled c-r-a-p. Dumb asses!! There is no message here to be conveyed, except for the fact that we are weak, non-brutal and our junk is a worthless waste of time (Insert mass agreements here). We never wanted to be like the montrose purse carrying leather underwear & lipstick bands in this city. You bitches don't have to live in the same lame ass fag infested tasty tampon no balls city of Houston Texas that we do. You just don't realize what we are up against over here. Even though we are in a big city, it's rare to get good bands to play here because we have a bunch of morons that prefer to go ballerina dancing at Hanson concerts in six flags to get autographs next to their homo body piercings. And the dum asses here don't know jack shit about booking good shows or shows with bands that are similar or affordable. Those dick faces had EXTREME NOISE TERROR doing a show here in Houston with bands that were not even chaotic enough or had no business being under the same billing on a monday morning after 1 am. What kinda crap is that??!!! The majority of us who pay to see the shows (with the hopes of wanting to see good bands which seems virtually impossible) instead of trying to sneak in have jobs & work on weekdays. This huge city we live in has always been just plain weak. No wonder D.R.I. who originated in Houston, moved away to live in California because of the lack of balls that this city is plagued with (as confirmed to us once again when we asked D.R.I. in person during the July 15th, 1999 show at a venue called Fitzgeralds). With the exception of D.R.I, BACTERIA, & KRULLER, just about everything else here in Houston has always lacked any intensity or energy to be worth terrorizing those boom box hip hop, rap(crap) faggots with. We would like to thank MORTICIAN for scaring the shit out of everyone in this redneck town by whipping ass as usual (with their hacksaws). They still whip ass!!! The last thing we just released was after eating at casa ole, was a series of "limited edition" by the Franklin Mint sour runny corn chip bloodied infested food babies smothered in grandmas famous old secret recipe chunky mushroom sauce mixed with blackies urine, crayons & the waitresses loogies. What we think of Anal Cunt signing to Earflake is none of our damm business and we don't give a crap about it, we're just glad that we aren't worthy. Anal Cunt did a show with us down here and had to witness first hand the customary scared (few that bother to attend shows as usual) Houston crowd who stood there quietly like card board cut outs. The crickets and our tasty smelly farts were louder than the crowd. In fact, the crickets out numbered the people. So called big labels (a.k.a leashes or ball restrictors) can suck a nut. Just having fun, being different, letting loose, along with the total freedom of fucking shit up our way is what we want to do. Not vacationing in Cancun after signing on a label, or pleasing critics (piss on you). FUCK LABELS!!!!!! FUCK YOU ALL TOO!!!! If you take us or our bullshit seriously, then your a dumb fuck, especially if your even wasting your time reading this so called interview. We too can play ultra clean sing along technical crap, sell out, make lots of money if we really wanted to, but fuck that shit. Our shit sucks because we want it to suck DAMMIT!!! This is just a hobby. "Some" critics who used make fun of us, changed their tune when things got trendy, but now they are back to making fun of us again, because they follow trends. FUCK THAT. Even though we ARE NOT original, we did not copy anyone. We've been doing this type of shit all along, We didn't even know other bands were doing similar material at the time. We're just a group of losers who grew up together and were disgusted of the mellowed out local bands, so we just started out trying to be different from the other locals that have always lacked any real energy. And it just happened that we are in a different part of the world from other bands who were into the same thing and no one had heard of us at the time (because we suck) until things became so trendy, then we were labeled as grind, cheese grind, death or some other bullshit. When we do recordings, we are just messing around, it's intended to be nonsense and it's our shit, so go fuck off in each others mouths!!!

3. Tell us about your old recordings. I have a bad copy of the '89 demo and some live stuff from 9/3/89 and 12/29/89. Who released that split tape with Bacteria? What else did you release besides a big turd on the face of the world?

You have all of that? Fuck, you should burn them!

No you fucking retard. Who'd you get the live shows from anyway? I don't even have them or one for that matter. Bacteria released the tape on their own recognizance. If you like any of our useless crap, then you're one pathetic bastard.

Bitch!! I ought to drop kick your sorry ass just for even having that piece of shit demo. Two to the body, then the steel toe boot to the head.

The 89 demo (which was some very old material) was recorded while we were looking for something to eat and gargling on urine in the toilet room of Slicks house. It's not the copy that's bad. IT'S US!! Put that junk in the compost.

4. I remember reading all these interviews with you in that Japanese noise grind zine Gore Lunatic. Whatever happened to that girl that did that zine? What other old zines were you guys featured in? I also remember Brain Damage that Mark Murray did. Do you remember this band Sockeye from Ohio?

Yes, I remember Gore Lunatic 'zine. I still have a few copies of the issue that featured Splatterreah. It was pretty cool. She had more 'noise' bands in there than anything else. I do not know what ever became of her. As far as Brain Damage & Sockeye, I'm going to 'sock' you in the 'eye' & give you 'Brain Damage' for asking me about shit that I have not a mother fucking clue about.

When she took apart my drill, I whipped her ass senseless with a fan belt!!!!!

She came to her senses, got a life then became a cover girl featured on the front cover of the 1st original Carcass LP and ended up on the back of a milk carton. Darn her!! Darn her to heck!!!

She came over my house to ride my bologna pony. Mmmmmmmmmm!!! What a ride....................

5. Were you really going to have a full LP out on Relapse Records once? I always remember reading about that.

Splatterreah was not 'Heavy Enough' to be on that label. We just couldn't be "Necroheavyblasphemousdeathslaughtericous" enough to be on that label. Why, just the thought of being on that label fills me with trepidation, oohhh,... I feel so 'faint'. Those stupid stickers, and labels they used to put on their Ads and flyers were fucking ridiculous. I have 'No Comment' on that faggot ass Nuclear Blast Ass kissing, triangle headed, dickface motherfucker. I guess his true dream came true, - he sold death metal out, and now lives his days dressed up in Tommy Hilfiger cloths (he received for promoting his newest sponsor), playing tennis, and drinking spritzers!! uuhh, how sheik! You'd have to be there to understand what i'm talking about. I was there, I heard the conversation and witnessed first hand what went on at a gathering.

DITTO!

The i's have it, it's uranalmous, ur ahh, I mean unanimous, anyway, I agree, ditto....

Fuck that faggot ass menace corporate business guru!! That's an insulting lame ass question too which deserves a dick slap!!! DAMMIT!!! That pussy needs to be kidnapped, issued a beating, stripped and have his hands handcuffed behind his back to the guard rail and street light poll located on a heavily traveled elevated part of the I-45 freeway which surrounds downtown Houston and have his mouth stuffed with crusty 90 yr. old homeless mens dirty underwear.

6. What do you think of some of todays death metal bands as compared to the ones from the late 80's/90's? Did you used to do alot of tape trading back then? Who were some of the bands you were in contact with?

Personally we prefer Captain & Tennille.....(our main influence)

The Death/Black Metal Scene should change its name to 'Pop' Metal. Coz' they're putting on white pancake batter on their faces, & black shoe polish around their eyes, 'Selling Out' left & right, and putting out "really shitty' LPs/CDs. Dark Throne was the most recent LP I bought - Sky Ablazin' in the North' or some queer spooky, haunting titles as such. Anyway, They basically bent Euronymous (Mayhem Nor.) over and kissed his skinny white ass on the back out of it, dedicating it to the heaviest person that ever lived or some silly ass shit like that. They (Dark Throne) used to be a fucking 'Joke-Core' band named Black Death in the 80's. Did you know that? They had reviews in an early issue of Slayer 'zine years ago. I wrote to them because they had silly little ditties (songs) about fucking prostitutes, and beating people up, the kind of reckless shit we always do, then several years later, here they are, on the back of their album, faces all painted full of pancake batter, and I think the total combined weight of the band was 110 lbs!! Fucking skinny bastards.

All we did was trade tapes. Not too many people, that I know, have Hellhammer Rehs, Repulsion Rehs, Terrorizer Rehs, Live Necrovore shows. Do you know anyone who has stuff like this?

When checking out CD's at the store, I just spin the wheel to make a selection, since most of them look and sound the same. I then usually soil on them and give the CD's away in pieces because i'm bored by them.

The nonsocial misanthropic (recovering jackoffaholic) hippie from the 60's/guitarist/bassist/background "cookie monster urine gargling vocalist" who started reeking non talented guitar havoc back in the beginning of the 70's, doesn't listen to much of anything which keeps him from being accused from stealing ideals anyway. The prick used to heavily trade at one time, but when he's not out on the town with us creating chaos against society, prefers to be in total seclusion concentrating time on issuing self created John Deer tractor shuttle blenderized mayhemic bodily dismemberment ass whippings (coffins included) of train wrecking outbursts that's fun to terrorize the neighborhood with. A very picky bastard when collecting "true all out extreme ripping your nuts out through the mouth brutality". However, when collecting, it's usually after sampling a release that causes the need for bedwetting, then after buying it, he likes to scare the shit out of his children and grandchildren before putting them up to collect dust with the rest of the library archives. Zombie!! I've never known anyone else to be such a sick demented loser filled with so much hate. He said to tell you "that the last wimp fuck to ask such dumb ass questions was allowed to shoot himself". There is definitely something wrong with this asshole. The bastard seriously needs mental help, especially since he suffers from an enraging bi-polar disorder and is still experiencing the gore filled nightmares from the Vietnam war. Old man........

7. Were you ever involved with any other "musical" projects/bands? Do you know anything about the current "scene" in Texas these days?

Yes, I play drums for a huge Baptist Church on Sundays. I used to play 'Devil Music' but now I'm playing for the Lord. Hallelujah!!! I also give drum lessons to kids, and I play alot to earn my living. I wish I could play scary Death Metal to make a living, but I guess this planet only has room enough for one Napalm Death.

Scene? What scene? Are you referring to lawn care or landscaping?

For a while there it seemed as if some pussies were getting caught up in the Nirvana frenzy. Grunge, what a joke... And I thought we sounded fucked up until, well you know........

Why yes, I also play the radio.

Before & during the beginning of Splatterreah (a.k.a. Train Wreck), two of the degenerates were also in conspiracy reeking havoc during the start of the 80's in Houston with two other real psychotic zombies named Carlos & Phillip in a project called CRYPTIC HATRED (Scary....... ). Phillip was a zombie and Carlos has a very sick warped mind (but you'd never know by looking at him) and was studying to be a nuclear physicist back then. He vowed to destroy the world once he had completed his studies and got his hands on scientific lab equipment. Anyway, CRYPTIC HATRED used to practice inside an appliance store off the I-45 freeway or sometimes at Carlos's house and recorded lots of rehearsal material which is longer and more on the technical side (yawnnnn...), but has yet to be released. Since we still have all the rehearsals and photographs, we have been considering recording a CRYPTIC HATRED release perhaps someday since lots of our neighborhood cut throat friends over here have been pestering us at knife point with their machetes and other farm utensils about it. Other than that, I sing along with the choir every saturday at the First Church of Hacksaw Appliantology. Not sure about the current scene in Texas, but 98% of Houston (capital of no balls U.$.A) bands have always caused everyone to yawn. We too are doing our part to make Texas boring.

Before everything became so trendy, we tried for a long time to get brutal bands to come down and play or convince the venues to set up good shows. We even tried to drum up support with an effort on giving in & out of town bands some exposure, but we were frequently ignored or made fun of around here because the underground bands were not the "in thing" at that time in Houston. We were however able to help a small music store owner (who took advice without hesitation) to stock up on the good stuff. Whatever he didn't have in stock, he was able to get right away. He was cool, but unfortunately he and his wife moved back to New York.

8. I have this tape with this band(?) called GOD AWFUL STENCH, and there's a song where the singer says "This song goes out to Splatterreah, it's called Texas Sucks". Who was that band and what was that all about? How many people hated you guys back then?

God Awful Stench was a faggot ass band from Florida that liked to talk shit about us because we were in Texas, and they were in Florida, so you can say that the advent of "State Lines" saved them from getting a severe dick slap to the face from me! They were just rich fucking white boys who used their rich parents money to buy equipment and form a heavy metal band. You know, in defiance of their rich parents, (That were probably undergoing 'Therapy' for having such spoiled faggot white boys for sons!). If I ever catch one of those pussy motherfuckers in my neighborhood, I'm going to beat the fuck out of them with my BIG linked 'Ass Whipping' Chain that I have, and shove a pair of retarded Wino's shoes up their Spoiled white candy asses & get their little sister drunk off of my semen. Fucking pussy ass, wanna-be-heavy, Chicken Necked Rich white-boy pussies. By the way, no one hated us, we were loved and adorned by all! Hee, hee....

God Awful What? Whoooooo? Stunkkkkkk? Hummmm, didn't they used to be somebody??? Guess not. Ohhh well then, my mistake. Just kick me in the prosthesis... Who cares about who hated or hates us now. We've never met them. We don't know why they started talking shit, or give a rats ass about what wild hair they have up their cunts. Maybe they kissed major ass & can't handle the fact that we're not afraid to speak our minds. Perhaps they suffer from erectile disfunctionality from slobbing on rob or beating the odds too much on each other.

g.a.s. ??? Tape? What tape? Is that some kind of special Christmas gift wrapping tape your talking about, expelling flatus or something? Never heard of them. And since we have never done anything to them to begin with, as long as they stay the fuck out of my way, I won't permanently fucked them up for life by breaking their knee caps with the brute strength of my hands.......

Not one of you SLACK JAW FAGGOTS out there should be afraid to give opinions or tell it like it is from your point of view. Critics are free to state facts, be sarcastic or talk shit but if they do, then they need to expect to get the same. Or who knows we might just ignore them, just like we have been ignored for obvious reasons (hint). We started talking shit ONLY after other people lashed out and attacked us FIRST which has been nonstop to this day. Most of them being those who are not from our city or have experienced what has gone on here and continues to go on, or those who don't even know us. The negative feed back has never ceased and we hope to expect much more to come. Those that know us are aware of how fun we like to make the shows for everyone who goes out to see us whack off on stage. The whole point of our existence is pointless. Those that know us, seem to understand and have lots of fun. Those that don't get it, usually get all bent out of shape or have something negative to say which usually results in us saying something back in return (everyone knows who you sissies are, and you should stick to your Bee Gees collections at home instead). Most of what we say is mainly directed towards the locals, but hey if the shoe fits to anyone else (or steel toe ass kicking boots in this case) wear it, preferably in the ass. Some of the dick wads and bands we make fun of or insult, are actual friends of ours. To all our friends & foes out there, FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!! Friends? FUCK friends! We don't need friends anyway. FUCK the friendship! We're not out to please your sorry asses or anybody else for that matter! We're gonna do it our way (the fucked up way). If they want to be pleased, let them jack off on the fruit in the produce section of their local grocery, in bed or outside on the fence in front of the neighbors, just like this one guy named Raymond Chavez does (true story) in Paul's neighborhood.

9. What's going to be happening with the band now? Any new recordings coming out? Talk about some new songs and titles, etc. Are you gonna do a full CD soon? How can people get all the old stuff? Do you get pissed when people sell your old stuff for more than a few bucks?

Fuck, the questions just keep coming, don't they?

NO!!! FUCK NO!!! DAMMIT!! NOT FOR YOU!! LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!!! You would be to scared and embarrassed to have our stuff anyway, for obvious reasons of course, but then again who can blame you.

I ain't <--stupid cow poke redneck Texas slang) saying nothing til it comes out. Not to be mysterious or anything, I just don't want to jinks anything.

Songs? Titles??? Lyrics??? what lyrics? There was supposed to be lyrics? Nobody told us there was supposed to be lyrics. No wonder, even we can't understand ourselves.

It would be kinda cool to at least perform on Saturday Night Live, especially since they are always having a bunch of bands that suck shit to begin with anyway.

More senseless questions? Get a life, THEN TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

We've been busier than dikes in a hardware store working on stuff, and we'll release it when we feel like it (even if we choose to wait another century to put it out) you teletubbie collecting faggot!!! One bastard is currently attending college out of town, while another idiot is continuing ass whippings and education here in town and traveling to make a living among other things, but we have been working on the project in our spare time. Slowly but surely things will be developing.

Old demos & the 1990 live 7" (dusty shit stains included) are still available on CD or Cassette for $1.00 each (plus postage) to those perverts who need to test out their blenders, garbage disposals, line their kitty litter boxes with, fill pot holes or those who are just into recycling. There are some boring live shows, rehearsals, & videos, floating around some where which might be rare or just might not have been released yet (so don't ask about them). Under handed terroristic schemes and negotiations of maybe a CRYPTIC HATRED project release may come later on.  Why waste a fart when you can burp and taste it. A SPLATTERREAH release of old and new terminal tons of shit complete with excessive gas eruptions, as if anyone really wanted it, is scheduled for self release (when we feel like it DAMMIT!!!) on our own Worthlezz Recordz (a Needle Point Productions effort). Yawn........ Anyway, everything going to other countries will be intentionally sent crap in BINARY HIEROGLYPHIC MORSE CODE ON 8 TRACK TAPES ONLY DAMM IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or on old timey player piano rolls.

The bands first & main priority is to continue to take care of our elephant to which we have loaned to the Houston Zoo for public viewing. Hopefully we will be able to tour later on with our long time idols who started it all and main influence, Captain & Tennille. Our new so called songs such as "Pretty Flowers", "Light-n-lovely", "Dippity doo", "Hold my Hand", "Blow me a Kiss", "Skip to my Loo" and "Family Outing" are among our favorites, heh heh....... We are always running out of t-shirts, but just to be assholes, we plan to have old and new designs soaked in poison ivy and fiber glass insulation for pedifiles who need to wipe their crusty asses whenever the release is out along with stupid shit like stickers, poisoned tattoos, pocket pencil protectors, hub caps, shit scented air fresheners, U.$. postal stamps & gold coins commemorating the band, photos for target potty training, cyanide tablets, freshly stained autographed underwear, dog chewed guitar picks, soured bodily fluid drenched kotex. We are also working on one of those new fangled www website thingys, that is if we can ever figure the stupid thing out. It is expected to receive no hits, but hopefully it will have a guest book for those who need to vent negative opinions about us (to which we totally agree with upfront), so have at it. Who knows, we just might slag ourselves too. Why not? At least we know we suck, and it's makes good publicity for us as being real assholes anyway.

Yes, it pisses us off when someone wants to sell our stuff at corporate prices, but we know everyone out there has enough snap not to waste their money or time on it anyway. TRYING to make money is not the goal here. We are actually losing money, but we don't care because we have real jobs and other means of revenue that we rely on to pay our bills and support our families with. Merchandise that's affordable is a way of making it fun. When we have chosen to give certain record stores demos for free, it's only if they agree to charge 1 dollar each for them. We usually allow the stores to keep the profits. Mostly each time we do a show, we have refused to accept any money for making on stage nuisances of ourselves, but in exchange we expect the venues to make it more affordable for the kiddies to attend. We also let them know that any mess we make ourselves (heh heh) will be cleaned up by us. That's the way it should be to us. No one should have to pay an arm or leg for having a good time. We try to make the merchandise very affordable and we are always running out of the crap whenever we do shows. It must be because people are using it for bon fires, wiping their noses, or for toilet paper. We have been approached at times by managers of other bands that have come over here to do shows with us who have dared to demand that we sell our stuff at the ridiculously insane way over budgeted high prices that they sell their stuff for. Our reply to them has and always will be a BIG LOUD "FUCK OFF!!!" in their faces. Where do they get off telling other people what to do with property that does not belong to them??!!! Next time that happens, THERE WILL BE A LYNCHING!!! Prices for CD's and t-shirts have not been determined because we are in the process of finding out how much everything is going to cost us, and we are also in the process of getting the funds together for merchandising by mugging the muggers, robbers, shop lifters, pimps and whores. We used to sell our double sided t-shirts for 6 dollars each, but we are currently out of shirts right now and we are also in the process of trying to find a better deal on supplies to make the shirts. CD's (when ever they come out (clearing throat out from vomit) might cost a little more, but hopefully not much more. The 89 & 90 demos are still available. We might release new demos later on to introduce the new release. For 1 demo (new or old), just send 1 dollar (plus postage) for each demo you want. As far as the new full release goes, we have some ideals which will hopefully be different than everything else (insert scary laugh here), heh heh........ For the few (if any) who want merchandise which is not available yet, you will be placed on the waiting list and notified when the stuff becomes available. Don't send any money until we tell you too. Please include postage when ordering the crap. The contact address for you imbeciles is the same original address that we had in the beginning and is listed at the end of this interview.

10. Feel free to go off on whatever you feel like. Long live heavy metal and SPLATTERREAH!!!

NO, IT SHOULD BE DEATH TO SPLATTERREAH!!!

Shane & Jesse get fatter every time Napalm Death puts out a New Album. They must be living a good enough life off of Death Metal to gain all that weight huh? I really don't listen to any current Death/Black Metal releases, so I can't pass judgment on anyone. All I know is that Black Metal Ain't what it used to be and it never will be, so all of you 'Cryptic' Faggot face painters should go wash all of your sisters make-up off of your faces and get a fucking job, and quit wasting your time trying to be scary. I don't think that Satan wants 115 lb. soldiers in his Army of Darkness. Eat a piece of Steak too, you guys look anemic!! Die!

Recycle yourself.

If someone was really serious about being "evil", then they would be getting some field experience by getting their hands dirty and being a part of real terrorism that plots against humanity all over the world which doesn't discriminate, and thus end up a dumbass on death row if not 6 feet under in a coffin first (insert sinister laugh here), or a wanted fugitive. Anything less is equal to wearing Pillsbury dough boy pancake batter.....

For those dumb asses out there who grew up on New kids on the Block and like to be sarcastic by using terms such as "vomiting cookie monster vocals" in their reviews, get it right the first time you dip shits!! It's cookie monster gargling with fermented urine/afterbirth and vomiting on your face and New Kids on the Block t-shirt while getting fucked in the ass by a cactus vocals!!!

THE POWER OF PISS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!